Repentance and forgiveness in Family life. (Chapter 20)

What happens when something is said or done to you that is very hurtful? What is it that you do personally? Why is it that heavenly father gave us the commandment to forgive all men and why must we do it 70X7 times that is only 490 can you imagine going through an entire life and only forgiving others 490 times and that was it, that was your limit. Thank goodness that is not the case. Personally I don't know if I could make it through a full week let a lone an entire life time! The book Successful marriages and families had a great chapter on this where they talked about how there are things that happen in a family daily that need to be forgiven or repented of. We all make minor mistakes but we also make major mistakes. If we as a family build up resentment by holding grudges about the little things that happen everyday then when something big happens that wedge can easily crack the relationships that we hold with other people. There are scientific reasons to forgive as well. This is what the book says about repentance and forgiveness being important and why we must use it in our family life. "Interpersonal repentance and forgiveness have obvious benefits in repairing or mediating damaged family relationships (Enright & Fitz­ gibbons, 2000). In addition, individuals and families who are able to forgive important transgressions are likely to have better emotional and physical health (Battle & Miller, 2005), and positive emotions improve health in a variety of ways" I think that is interesting that those who forgive are given the blessing of better emotional and physical health. It becomes a blessing to always try to forgive and repent of the things that we know we should be better about. Repentance and forgiveness works for you individually as a person as well, don't always beat yourself up about things that you should or want to be better at, that is something that I have had a struggle with in my new marriage to remember that we are both learning how to be married and even though my husband is a pretty close to perfect guy and is awesome he can irritate me like nobodies business, the thing is he knows me so well he knows where to push all the buttons, so learning to forgive him for those minor things make it so much easier to not be upset about other things like a miscommunication, or something I'm hinting at that he doesn't catch on to. The same goes for me I have to remind myself that I am not a perfect person and I cannot be the perfect little Betty Crocker Wife, it simply is not possible. However, because of the atonement of Jesus Christ I am able to forgive myself for my short comings and move forward into being a better person being the person that I want to become. Another Challenge for you guys, take a week and look around you at all the things that your family does that annoy you, then take a second and replace that with one thing that you are grateful for about them. It will help you to see them as God sees them, then after that take the time to ask forgiveness for being annoyed and repent. Just try it, it might work!

How prayer strengthens relationships in good times, and heal relationships in bad times.

Prayer is also something is asked about whether it helps a family grow closer together or not, i believe that it does, and that it gives the family that hope and help are ahead. I think that it is similar to faith, that we as a family feel the need for the spiritual connection and the love that it shows we have for each other. In the book successful marriages and families. They Quote President Thomas S. Monson, he shared a story about the advice given to him and his new wife on their wedding day, the advice given to them was this, "May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can’t pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another (Monson, 2001, p. 4)." That was it, that sealer gave them the most simple formula to pray together every night. Now that is sometimes easier said then done, we get so caught up in life which make us a little more irritable, so i think the solution is prayer. As was said in this advice. It starts with a couple praying to the lord asking about the things they should be doing to strengthen the relationship that they have with each other and the relationship that they have with others around them. Then from there they are able to receive divine revelation to guide and direct their family in the best way. Prayer also helps safeguard you for when hard time come up the book also talks about this they said, "Conflict is a universal part of marriage. For many, unresolved contention eventually leads to the dissolution of the marriage. Prayer, however, can help protect couples from divorce by healing the relationship and restoring harmony to the marriage."I believe this to be true, even though it may not be the only way or solution to save a marriage it is a very good tool to have. I know that prayer will help strengthen but it will also help protect and guide families in a way that they are able to be better people. I have a challenge for you guys now at this time in your life make the effort to say constant and heartfelt prayers i promise that they will bless your life for years to come.

Faith in Family Life ( Chapter 18 )

"Readers should be aware that it is difficult, perhaps impossible, for social science to “prove” that faith “causes” stronger marriages or other family outcomes. It is reasonable to conclude, for example, that persons in a healthy marriage are more likely to want to attend church together than a couple who are facing divorce. So, does faith influence family or does family influence faith? The answer is almost certainly both—but in terms of social science, the best we can usually do is to discover and examine correlations, or relationships, between ideas, such as faith and the quality of family life." This is from the text book Successful marriages and families. This chapter of their book is about how having faith in a family setting makes it so that we become stronger family units that have a greater understanding of who we are and what our purpose is here on this earth. I believe that as we teach children to have faith and we teach them how to pray and to follow things like the commandments and council from religious leaders that we install a set of ethics in the child that they will live with for their entire life. As we do so we are able to raise up the next generation with confidence that they are going to work hard at making the world a better place. I am grateful for both my parents and my husbands parents for the examples that they have shown us and that they have given us the different tools to be raised in faith. They have instilled in us a love for the gospel or more simply put a love of life. We want to be the best that we can be and part of that motivation and desire comes from our faith in the lord Jesus Christ and in our eternal Heavenly Father. Our parents taught us that we can do all things through Christ and that if we follow his teachings then we will be a great light in the world.

Honor thy Father (Chapter 13)

Father's are special. I think that they are the strongest, bravest, most handsome superheros to children. I know that mine is. I love my dad, Growing up I was the classic daddy's girl, so much so sometimes i think i would hurt my moms feelings. I always wanted to be with dad see what he was doing or where he was going,  and I always knew that if I wanted something i would just have to ask my dad....I know isn't that terrible of me! My dad could do no wrong in my eyes and we were best friends. however there came a point in my life where I became a teenager, and I was independent (obviously, because I was paying rent, cooking, doing my own laundry, and providing for myself and everything, NOT ) I could drive however, and that made me feel like the most responsible person ever. I would have hated to admit it then, but I really wasn't all that big, i didn't know how to live on my own, or pay bills, or cook for every single meal, and i wish i could say that I realized that and that i treated my parents with the upmost respects, and  told them how grateful i was to them. Instead I took advantage, i would come home eat their food, leave and be out past my curfew. Now looking back I was not respectful to my parents at all. If for example I was out past curfew disobeying their rules and then they did something about it, by helping me remember to listen to them, i would mope and groan about everything that they were making me do. Luckily they still loved me, for who I
was and not how I was treating them. Our parents are constantly trying their best and they are doing so much for us as their children, we don't know the things that they have sacrificed for us, i know I can never repay for what they have done, but i can honor and respect them for it. When we show honor and respect to our parents they are more likely to better honor and respect our wishes as well. Fathers tend to like it more when we work hard for what we want/need. It shows them that they have been setting a good example with their providing. According to the book successful marriages and families, talking about fathers they quote."In essence, to provide in fathering is to assume the stewardship of meeting children’s needs and offering opportunities for their development, as well as dedicating one’s time, energy, and resources for the benefit of the next generation." That is a fathers goal overall, and when we show them that we honor them, listen to their council, it will show them that they are succeeding. I love my Dad and I hope that i can show him how grateful i am for all of the things that he has done!

Mothers as Nurturers (Chapter 12)

In the Family proclamation to the world released by the first presidency, it states that mothers are primarily responsibility for the nurture of their children. That is a huge thing to undertake! HUGE! I know that for me personally I want to be the best mother that I can be for my children and I know that I don't like to make mistakes, and I am sure that this is true for most mothers, we don't like to think that we did not do our very best, or that we are failures, something that I have realized is that we are not as big of failures as we think we are. One mother shared her own experience, in the book successful Marriages and Families, She said the following,
"Yesterday my husband called a little bit before lunchtime to check on how we were doing at home. The conversation was more brief than usual because he had a lunch appointment held at a nice restaurant near his office. But it was also interrupted because the toddler sitting at the table in his booster seat knocked a cup of apple juice over, sending juice flying all over himself, the floor— and all over me. When I hung up the phone I began the task of cleaning him off, wiping the sticky juice off the table and floor, and finally changing out of the now sticky sweat pants I had not been able to change out of since early that morning. While kneeling on the floor with a rag"in my hand I couldn’t help but reflect on the differences between the work my husband was doing and the work I so often did as a mother. I knew in my mind that caring for children mattered, but honestly, it was hard to see what could possibly be so important about changing diapers, wiping noses, cleaning muddy feet, and all the other hundreds of mundane chores that seemed to make up my daily life. I reflected on the bachelor’s and master’s degrees I had received and couldn’t help but wonder how after all that preparation I ended up on the floor with a rag in my hand wiping up juice spilled by a toddler. Hadn’t I been prepared to do something more significant? Something that would really make a lasting difference?"To this story I would respond with a quote from Gordon B. Hinckley
former president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, he says " you never know how much good you do." I think that is for all mothers, you never know, but you are doing so much more than you know.

Should I keep trying to work it out: The crossroads of divorce ( Chapter 8)

I will not deny it, but I am going to rely on the book a lot for this next one! Divorce is something that can hurt a lot of lives, first I am going to tell you my experiences with divorce and then I will go more into detail about what the book says. Luckily my parents have not been divorce nor have they ever threatened it, which has been a great example for me to look up to, however I have seen relatives and close friends have divorces, those are hard. To you as someone who is watching from the outside it seems like the solution is an easy fix but to those who are in the middle of it, it is far from simple. I have an Uncle and Aunt who recently divorced, I wont share what caused the divorce because that is private to them, but what I do know is that it caused a lot of pain, a lot pf pain for my aunt, and my Uncle, both sets of their parents, their siblings, even us nieces and nephews felt the difference, but I think that the people it hurt the most were their daughters. They have two little girls, one is 14 the other is 9. They have become very distant from the family, things are more emotional for them. However, the biggest thing that I have noticed is that these girls are confused. Now I hope that they understand as they get older that they can find happiness in one person and that they can always trust in the lord, but for now as a family our biggest responsibility is to help them, love them and show them that we care for them deeply, both of their parents still love them too for sure, it;s just a little different for them now. I Pray for those who have had to go through a divorce or are going through a divorce in any way shape or form, the only advice that I can give is to hold on to the testimony that you hold and hold on to the savior.  Continuing the spiritual side of things, this is what the book Successful Marriages and Families says in their chapter of divorce "That God intended from the beginning for us to cleave to our spouse and not separate is evident in Adam’s response to God’s inquiry of whether he had partaken of the fruit of knowledge of good and evil: “The woman thou gavest me, and commandest that she should remain with me, she gave me of the fruit of the tree and I did eat” (Moses 4:18). In the celestial law of marriage, God has commanded us to remain together and keep our marriages strong, even when that means we must partake of some of the bitter fruits of life together." I love the end of that we must partake of the bitter fruits of life together. Something we promise when we get married is to love and cherish each others for time and all eternity, to have and to hold through times of health, but also times of sickness. If we are married, then let us try, try to communicate better, try to love more deeply, try to be open, try to experience joy with each other! Remember the way you felt on your wedding day, try to get that back. I know that it may be harder said then done and there are some experiences where nothing can be done, in those cases the lord will be by your side, pray and always remember the blessings of the atonement! 

The Warm, Happy Marriage: and the cold facts to know (Chapter 7)

I choose one of my many silly pictures of my husband and I. This guy makes me laugh everyday at least three times, he is also constantly tickling me, but also give the best hugs. Plus he is just so darn cute that it has to be noted. Anyways this post is about the warm happy things in marriage. It is the best! I love being with my other weirdo everyday. Dr. Seuss put it perfectly " We are all a little weird, Life is weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours then we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." Marriage consists of doing everything with your best friend. However, there are times when even your best friend does or says something that you don't necessarily love. At the very beginning of marriage that can be a hard problem to work through. I know that my husband and I have had a huge learning curve! There are still times where I get frustrated and try the silent treatment, and that is not the way to do it! That is something that I have been working on, My husband still gets annoyed at me too. We have talked through different things as they come up, but one thing that has been awesome with all of that is the fact that we can talk about it, and that we are both willing to admit that we could change for the benefit of the couple! I know that will not be the case for every situation but for now it has been a blessing. The Book successful marriage in chapter seven they talk about the different ways that marriage and marriage standards have changed throughout the years. They also talked about the benefits of being married, hey cool! you get even more benefits for marrying your best friend. This is what they said  "An extensive body of evidence documents that married adults are clearly healthier than their non-married counterparts (for a summary, see Waite & Galla- gher, 2000; Wood, Goesling, & Avellar, 2007). They have lower rates of morbidity and mortality, and their health benefits persist even when factors such as race, income, and health status prior to marriage are taken into account. This means that married couples living in poverty have better physical health compared to other low-income unmarried people, and that marital health benefits extend across all major ethnic groups." How cool is that, if you are in the market don't give up, I have heard that when you are least expecting it is when it will come! Have a great one guys!

Honoring Marital Vows with complete fidelity (Chapter 6)

Today I would like to touch on the importance of remaining sexually pure before marriage and then after marriage keeping the fidelity alive within your marriage and avoiding the dangerous trap of infidelity. In the Family Proclamation to the world our prophets and apostles have counseled us to keep the sacred powers of procreation between man and woman married. In the Family proclamation it states, "God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between a man and a woman lawfully wedded as husband and wife." It is a commandment from god to keep ourselves pure before marriage and then remain faithful and true in marriage. Elder Neal L. Maxwell said that "The 7th commandment of God is the one least heeded but the one that is most needed."I would like to switch gears here and go into infidelity, we have made it through the teenage years and into the marriage part of everything, but now that you are here in marriage, the next thing to avoid being unfaithful. In the book Successful Marriages and Families the author of the chapter Honoring Marital Vows with complete Fidelity they discuss a different way of being unfaithful, it is called emotional infidelity. He describes this as an "emotional affair with someone who has no knowledge about what is taking place, or with someone who is anonymous (such as a person in a chat room) or will likely never be encountered in person (such as a celebrity), or all three. This type of infidelity involves fantasizing romantically about someone other than a spouse. When we let ourselves imagine what life would be like with another person, we are not being fully faith-ful to our spouse." One of the ways that my husband and try to keep ourselves emotionally faithful to each other, is we talk to each other about our thoughts and feelings throughout the day. Especially if there are parts that included other genders and or sexual references. I am incredibly grateful
to have a husband who is willing to be so honest with me and share things like that with me. If there is something that is not fully working properly in your marriage i would encourage you to go to your father in heaven in prayer then continue forward with faith then let the lord bless your life with the changes you make. Remember that heavenly father loves his children and that he would love to see you be happy!

Enduring marriages Equal partnership between men and women (chapters 3,4)

You've done it! you got married you have made it past all of the awkward first dates, being single and living with roommates, and any holiday with family as a single person. If you ask me that is quite the accomplishment! Think back to your single life it wasn't as fulfilling at least mine wasn't I was always looking never really focusing on anything, and yet after marriage your not sure where to go or what to do? That is something that you decide with your spouse. Also have you felt like life just begins to drag on and that you as a couple need to get out and do something, i felt that at the beginning as well. This the part of marriage that we should be embracing, we get to know each other with no one else around. We get to see the different reactions of our spouse without anyone else in the way, its a wonderful time! It is my personal opinion that now is the time for us to prepare for the endurance, life is going to get in the way, but if we are consistently striving to be better individually and as a couple then when the time comes we will be able to persist and make it through on top, being even closer then before. Before I got married my father told me that "there really isn't a problem in marriage that cannot be worked out if both parties are willing and wanting to work it out." I think that is very true. Even through the storms of life we can pull through together if both are equally willing to share. This leads me to my next point. Being held equal in marriage. Men and women were created after imagine of God and Jesus Christ, male and female we both have significant parts to play in the role of the world. I think that even though we are different it has been proven that we have differences physically, mentally and emotionally, those differences are what make a marriage strong. We have our different strengths and weakness's so that we can lift each other in times of trouble! I am grateful for the example of love, hard work and dedication to each other that my parents have shown me and I hope that my husband and I can create a love and marriage that will be an example to our future children.

What has happened to dating?

 I know that I said that this would be a blog for FHE lessons for kids, but I am going to start off before the kids come and how to build a strong foundation before they come along. Many young adults in today's society have given up on the idea of marriage. There is an idea that marrying someone will change too many things in your life, and that you might as well just try living with that person first to see if things work out, sometimes however is not better.  The book Successful marriages and families by Alan J Hawkins, David C. Dollahite, Thomas W. Draper says "Although social attitudes are changing about marriage and the transition to adulthood, the lord's prophets have always emphasized the importance of marriage according to god's plan. Moses recorded that after the lord placed Adam and eve in the garden of Eden, he declared " that it is not good that the man should be alone, wherefore i will make a help meet for him (Moses 3:18)." What is it that has changed the worlds view on marriage, I would like to suggest that it is the way that we have been dating. Isn't that crazy, we have become relaxed with the way we go about dating, it is not as important to act your best on a date, or be polite. In fact it has become a little less popular to even go one dates anymore. Which makes the dating cultural a lot harder when you are actually trying to participate in dating. Again from the book Successful Marriages and Families "Numerous Scholars have noted that the culture of dating that young adults experience today is markedly different from the one experienced by their parents and grandparents." For this blog I would like to add a list of fun date ideas! I want to focus on ideas for the fall season, because it is Fall and I love fall. Ok! Some cheap and easy dates:

• Go to a pumpkin patch 
• Try new flavors of Hot chocolate, make a game out of it, maybe put a blind fold on and take turns trying to guess what flavor it is. 
• Carve pumpkins
• Make a fall treat together 
• Play a game of tennis, or Flag football 
• When it gets closer to Halloween watch a scary movie (that's not actually scary)  
• Take an old door, and go reverse trick or treating ( knock at someones door, then set your own door with a sign that says knock and when they knock you give them candy) 
• If it is closer to thanksgiving, take a camera around the town you live and take pictures of all of the things that you are thankful for 
• Go Paint balling (try to choose a warmer fall day) 
• Find a concert to attend and make it a fancy event 
• Try an art gallery 
• Play balloon darts (for extra fun fill the balloons with paint) 

At it again

I am trying something new with my blog, I recently married, I see things differently now and there are things that I want to prepare for. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints, I want a family, and when my husband and I start a family of our own, i am wanting to be prepared with things that i can teach them, and one of the things that we want to use to teach our children is Family home evenings, and using those nights to teach our children lessons. I want to start using this blog to post FHE ideas and lessons that may be helpful for us in the future and possibly for you as a reader.

The Rodeo of parenting

The thing that I would like to start with is, that parenting is not always what we imagine it to be. There will be things that we are not expecting like how many tantrums a four year can throw. I am not yet a parent but I have been told that it is never what you fully expect, and to always remember that there are good and bed days. Be careful not to judge other parents when you are having a good day and they may be having one of the worst days of their week. We never have a full picture of what is going on in someones life, so be careful to judge. My mom has a phrase that she says that is you are always the perfect parent until you become a parent.
In the past the influence of parenting for children reach out in the family, from parents aunts , uncles, then grandparents. In today's world we are seeing less of that kind of parenting and more Daycare, Nannying acting as parents for children. Personally there are things about both that I would not have liked about apart of either of those situations as a child, and some will say that it doesn't make any difference because kids don't know any better, but there are needs that a child has that should be met and even if they don't fully recognize that is what is going on, they still needs those met. Another benefit of having the parents in the home is the security that it gives the children, and it gives the kids confidence in themselves and others. The kids also get a taste of inter generational learning, because their parents are going to teach them what their parents taught them and they taught what their parents taught them and so forth. However the overall benefits for being in the home with your children far out weigh the other options. When you have both parents in the home you learn the nurture and warmth from your mother but then you learn firm boundaries from your father, and together that parenting style works like a well oiled machine.I know that for me personally having both of my parents in the house helped me to learn lessons that i didn't even really notice i was learning until later, such as how men should treat women, my dad was an awesome example of how to treat my mom and how she is special to him. I loved watching them play and talk in the kitchen and how i would dream about having that one day. Luckily i was able to find someone who works hard at a relationship, and know how to play but also how to make sure everyone is taken care of, he reminds me of my dad in that way. I am grateful for the example of my father and mother showing me what a healthy family unit can look like, and I am grateful for my fiancee who has the same goals in mind.
Even though there are different parenting styles, there are five universal needs that a child should have met. 1. Contact and belonging that goes with physical contact, but also eye contact, and conversational contact show your children that you are listening to them, and help them feel that what they are saying is valuable. 2. The need for power, professionals have called this giving children age appropriate decisions to make, help them feel like a big kid by letting the three year old pick out what he wants to wear for the day or what they want to eat for lunch. 3. The need for protection, this is the need to feel  needed. Kids need to feel that they are apart of the family team. 4. Withdrawal the recognition that it is "ok"to withdraw ourselves from hard work take a break and then get back at it. we tell ourselves the lie that we can handle doing everything at once and that is just impossible and so teaching children how to manage time is much more valuable then having them work consistently. 5. Challenge, we naturally give this one to ourselves, we set up challenges to take them and conquer them for the feeling of accomplishment, so the main thing with children is to recognize when they accomplish something that they have been working at. All of these things are very important to our children and their needs, so let us if we are parents or when we become parents pay attention to our kids and show them the love that we feel for them. And have a little fun with it!

Father's and Finances

We all have a father, whether that father is present in our lives or not we have a father. The worlds view of the world is that fathers are not necessary. The Media portrays them as idiots who don't know what is going on in his family life and his only responsibility is to make money and bring home the bacon. I beg the Question, what does father mean to you. Each individual has a different relationship with our father. Whether it be with your earthly father or your heavenly father.Our fathers have a strong influence on us as their children they provide and preside over the regular day to day things which makes them wonderful. One of the ways media twists that fathers are not important is that they feed to the fathers that they aren't important, well if you are a father than i want you to realize how important you are to your wife and your kids, or to your future wife and future children. Both sons and daughters learn something different from their fathers. For example sons learn what a man looks like, how he should treat other people but especially how he should treat women, he also learns hard work and dedication through the father. A daughter is taught by her father how she should be treated and what types of things make a boy a man, she will also be able to see what qualities she wants to have in a future husband. I think it is important in LDS communities to have fathers in the hoe because for both sons and daughters you get to see what a worthy priesthood holder looks like. Now that may not always be the case but if we as parents live the life style and the way we want our children to be then we need to understand that children are always watching our examples.
How did our world get like this, telling fathers that they are not important to their own families? Let's look back in time to the time of the industrial revolution. Before this revolution families spent their entire day working together. Work and family time were not a separate thing they were intertwined into one thing. You naturally were working to sustain and stay a live but by doing so you were always with your family. The industrial revolution changed the meaning of family. It made it so that work life and family time became a separate thing. Jobs became more divided and fathers began working 60 or more hours each week. Now i ask what happens to the mother and children of that family while their father is gone? They now have to fill in where he was before. As they fill his shoes, the father begins to almost feel that he is getting kicked out of his family because it seems that they don't really need him there. They however truly need him. With out the father the example, discipline and a different kind of love is no longer there. The money that the father brings in starts to have a different meaning as well, he starts worrying about how much he is bringing in instead of how much they need to support their needs.
I add my own testimony to this, if the father is in the home teaching and duding along with the mother as a team the family begins to function and grow into that of a beautiful family. Each family member needs to feel as if their role is important, so that they contribute to the things that make family, family. If we continue to live life the way our father in heaven designed it to be we will be able to continue through life happily.