The In-Laws (lesson 13)

I met my In-laws very early on a very cold foggy morning, in the spring of 2018. I had volunteered to come help with a community Easter Egg hunt that my Mother-in-law is in charge of. My husband had not told them that I was coming, so when I showed up at the crack of dawn at the same time as the family instead of the other volunteers, they all thought that I was an exchange student who misunderstood what was going on! Because they thought I was from somewhere out of the States they thought that I didn’t speak English, and nobody wanted offend so nobody talked to me. However, once my husband introduced me, and they recognized that I was the girl that he had been talking to them about, they welcomed me with open arms. I would love to tell you that from that point forward we just clicked and I fit right into the family, but I didn’t. It has been almost two years since that day, and it hasn’t always been easy. I would compare joining a new family to a dance. In the beginning you are just learning the steps. Figuring out what is and isn’t acceptable in the family, what the household rules are, and what the family likes to do together. Within the first 6 months you are starting to understand, or remember the steps. It begins to become familiar. As time continues or as you keep practicing you get more and more comfortable with the way things are, and you begin to find you place and space in the new family. However, just like learning a dance, you have days that are hard and you make mistakes, but there are also times where you nail all of the steps, everything goes right. In “Helping and Healing our Families” it says “Even before they are married, couples begin to learn that their families are different. The more a person can learn and talk about the unspoken rules in the prospective spouse’s family, the easier it will be to feel included.” I completely agree with this statement, I felt like I had gotten to know my husband’s family pretty well, and we have still had some moments of struggle trying to understand each other, but I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything in the world. The biggest thing that I have learned over the last year and a half is to be open and honest, and to communicate. Talk with the family, in group settings but also one on one. If there is an individual whom you are struggling with talk with them try to understand them, it will help you grow closer, but to also understand the unspoken rules of a family. When you communicate your feelings and understanding with the purpose to clear the air, then you will resolve conflicts easier than you would just letting things sit and build.