Make Marriage Work (Lesson 5)

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is all about marriage, right? Well it is that but it is also all about friendship. How is it that marriage is so happy and successful you marry your best friend that’s how? Something that I have always thought best friend duo’s have is that of unconditional forgiveness. It seems that they are willing to forgive and forget in the blink of an eye. In Gottman’s book he talks a lot about the different way’s friendship can build and help when conflict arises. When we have a friendship-based marriage, we tend to be able to have another way of looking at our relationship, it is not a relationship solely based on puppy love, it is built with trust, goofiness, adventure, and forgiveness. “In the strongest marriages husband and wives share a deep sense of meaning. They don’t just get along-they also support each other hopes and aspirations and build a sense of purpose into their lives together. That is really what I mean when I talk about honoring and respecting each other. Very often a marriage(s) failure to do this is what causes husband and wife to find themselves in endless, useless, rounds of argument or to feel isolated and lonely in their marriage.”(John M. Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work)  I think that is what marrying your best friend works so well. I know that in my marriage it would be extremely difficult to keep things together if I wasn’t able to be funny and laugh and play with my husband. It adds a different element to our marriage that we wouldn’t have otherwise, I also think that it helps keep the base stable elements of marriage glued together. My husband is an extremely playful person, he likes to goof off, he also loves nerf guns. That was one of his valentine’s day gifts to me, my own nerf gun that matched his. Since that anniversary I have been shot while I was sleeping, when I come home from work, while I’m making dinner, doing homework, basically anytime anywhere is free game. I am not as fun as my husband. I will admit that upfront, and I tell you this because there are times when he shoots me with that gun that I laugh and run and grab the other one to get him back, but there are other times that he shoots and I give him the death glare and tell him to stop. Those times that I don’t participate I can see a light dim in his eyes, and it makes me think whether or not it is worth it to be upset and not take a few minutes of my day to have fun with him. I have recently come to the conclusion that it is not worth it. I don’t want to be the wife that sucks all the energy and fun in life away from her best friend. It has been a work in progress, but one of my more recent goals is to remember my inner child and take some time to simply play.