Seeking to Understand (Lesson 10)

At this point in the semester it is time for reflection. To look back and see how far we have come. It is amazing to me the progress that can be made. I can only speak for myself, but I know that my marriage has changed for the better over the time it has taken us to read a majority of “The 7 principles for making marriage work.” John Gottman is a very smart man, and he knows what he is talking about. Through reading his book I have learned many little lessons, but I think the number one lesson I have learned is to be purposeful, and consistent with your marriage. Have a scheduled consistent date night, have a set time for just you and your spouse every day, and regularly check in with your spouse about how you are doing as a couple. When you are doing these things then it is easier to keep the spark alive, but to also compromise with each other.

Since the semester started, my husband and I had a big change happen, we had our first baby. Only being married a year and a half we were no where near experts on marriage and how to perfectly get a long, but we had a really good relationship. Once the baby arrived, we became so sleep deprived that our bodies were thrown into survival mode. Our marriage was sort of put on the back burner, here we were trying to figure out how to keep this little human alive, balance work, school, and family all at the same time…… may I just say that we were a huge mess for a couple of weeks. During this time, we were reading the chapters on connections, and how to turn towards each other. One night we took the time to do the activities that were included in the chapters we were reading for that week. Even though we missed maybe an extra hour of sleep collectively, I know that it helped us remember each other. I also believe that it helped prevent our marriage from suffering. After that we have continued to regularly check in with each other, and I know that it has made our relationship stronger and I am looking forward to what we can become, as we continue with these patterns.